Bonus Scene in Exploring the Rules
“Is this a good idea?”
Nessie stares at me like I’ve sprouted a horn in the middle of my forehead. “How many times are we going to have this conversation?”
“Not many, because tomorrow is moving day if we hop onto this crazy bus.”
“Hop on? We’re driving the crazy bus,” Nessie says, making me laugh, though my entire body feels stiff and fatigued from anxiety.
“Chloe, there are three…” She pauses and looks up at the ceiling as she quietly counts and mumbles. “Five things you excel at above anyone I’ve ever known: space, physics, math, science, being my sister, and Tyler Banks.”
“That’s six,” I point out.
“And being a perfectionist.”
I scoff and then fall like a board on her bed, the mattress, and the pillows, and my full body bouncing with the contact. “You used to be good at pep talks,” I tell her.
Nessie abandons the box she was packing and lies beside me so our eyes meet. “You’re freaking out.”
“I know. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
The shadow of a smile crosses my sister’s features. “It’s going to be kind of weird to live with two other people.”
“So weird. What if Tyler eats in bed, and I have to sleep in a crumbfest every night? Or he gets annoyed because I can’t read and hear a conversation at the same time? What if he pees in the shower?”
“Everyone pees in the shower.”
“But, no one admits it.”
She laughs. “I don’t know where we just went with this conversation.”
I sigh deeply until my chest falls and my thoughts seemingly settle. “I like him so much, I just don’t want to potentially mess that up by moving too fast.”
Nessie’s demeanor shifts, her mood thoughtful. I can feel the change just like I can when she gets excited or anxious, or angry. Maybe it’s our twin connection or possibly it’s because we’ve been best friends since utero.
“Remember when you told me that science is largely about educated guesses? How things like black holes and white holes were hypothesized before they were even known?”
I nod. “White holes are still hypothetical.”
Nessie rolls her eyes. “There’s a chance that Tyler’s going to eat a sandwich in bed and leave a mess of crumbs that are going to make you go crazy. There’s a chance a meteor could crash from the sky and take tomorrow from us. There’s a chance that we will all drive each other a little nuts from time to time, but I don’t think there’s a single chance that you and Ty aren’t going to fall even more in love and lust and like by moving in together. That man adores you. I’m pretty sure you could grow a third nipple, and he’d still think you were the most amazing person on this earth.”
“A third nipple?”
She laughs and rolls to her side, propping herself up with an elbow. “I’m a little nervous, too, truth be told.”
“Because Cooper might grow a third nipple?”
This makes her giggle. “No. Because it’s always been us, and sometimes it’s scary for me to think of how things might change.”
Change. It’s the one certainty we all have and all fear to some degree, largely because of its vast unknown.
“There’s always going to be an us,” I say, placing my hand on hers.
She nods. “I know. I know that on a cellular level. Wherever I am, you’re with me. And this summer only proved that even with changes and adventure and epic romances, nothing is going to change that. We can’t allow our fears to hold us back. Otherwise, we’re forced to live with regret, and I have little doubt it’s a much tougher burden to bear.”
“When did you get so insightful?”
Nessie shakes her head. “I don’t know. I’m pretty sure it started when a bug bit me in the desert while we were lost in Arizona. Maybe you should run tests on me and see if I’ve been infected with something alien. How far away were we from Area 51?”
I ignore her attempt to make me laugh. “Am I a bad girlfriend for freaking out? Because I feel like a bad girlfriend. Ty is working to make this perfect, and I’m over here struggling to finish packing.”
“No. There’s nothing wrong or bad about asking tough questions. That’s always been you. I know how much you care about Tyler because you’re asking these questions and worrying.”
Thoughts of Tyler infiltrate my thoughts, causing butterflies to beat in my chest and stomach as I imagine his smile. Since completing our cross-country road trip, it’s been difficult to sleep in my own bed that always feels too big and too cold. And when I’m not actively seeing him, I’m thinking about him and planning the next opportunity to see him.
“Moving in together. This is big,” I say.
Nessie nods and starts to slide off of her bed.”But it’s Cooper and Tyler. Nothing has felt right since we got to Seattle. It feels off like something is missing. And I’m pretty sure for me, it’s Cooper, and for you, it’s Tyler. We have this amazing opportunity to get the best of both worlds. I told you, this year is going to be epic. I can feel it, Chloe.”
I glance around the tiny bedroom Nessie has called hers for the past six weeks. This apartment wasn’t my first choice. I’d wanted to rent an apartment with more square feet and something with more charm. But, living downtown has been yet another experience I was reluctant for initially and now wouldn’t change, just like the road trip over the summer that brought me and Tyler together and Nessie and Coop together.
“Stop dreaming of Tyler. Let’s pack,” Nessie says, tickling the bottom of my foot to get me moving.
Two hours later, I’m wondering how we’ve amassed so much when our doorbell rings.
“It’s Cooper,” Nessie says. “He wanted to start moving some boxes tonight so we didn’t have to do it all tomorrow.”
This doesn’t surprise me at all. Cooper has been my best friend since childhood, and we often have a similar outlook on things. I was about to make the same suggestion so we could clear some of the mess and focus on what else needs to be done.
“Tyler said he had a call with the San Francisco group but would be here shortly to help.”
Nessie flashes a grin and then heads out of my room to answer the door, allowing me a few moments with my thoughts. Being overwhelmed isn’t exactly a new sensation for me, but since Tyler suggested we move in together a few weeks ago, it’s seemingly been my shadow.
“Hey,” Nessie’s voice echoes through our mostly empty apartment. All of the living room has been packed, as well as most of the kitchen, everything lined up in boxes that have been stacked along the wall, leaving only our couch, which someone on campus bought for fifty bucks and is supposed to be picking up tonight.
“Chloe’s in her room,” Nessie says in a knowing tone, making my heart race because I know it’s not a conspiratorial code to Cooper that they can freely make out but a hint to Tyler to come and find me.
And he does, his knuckle rapping across the door as he steps into my doorway, making my heart stop. His blond hair is disheveled, and his blue eyes are piercing as he reads me like a book. His strong jaw is relaxed, but his shoulders grow straighter, drawing my attention to the stacks of muscles in his chest and arms that have my knees feeling weak. He has this effect on me--the racing heart, the muddled thoughts, the goofy grin--though I’ve known him for more than two years and have watched him worship my body on a near-daily occurrence, he still makes me nervous and giddy, and at the same time calm. It’s a contradiction of emotions that only he is capable of.
“How was your day?” He walks closer to me, stopping when he’s near enough to slide his fingers into my hair and rest his palm against my jaw.
“Long,” I admit. “Physics is kicking my butt.”
A gentle grin tips the corners of his mouth upward and brightens his eyes. “You’re nervous.”
I want to refute his words and provide a million assurances that I feel he deserves, but all of my words feel clunky and reveal my doubts and concerns that feel more hurtful as I stare at him. Instead, I shake my head.
Tyler’s grin widens. “Chloe, it’s me.” It’s his polite way of calling me out for my lie.
“A little.”
His grin breaks into a smile. “It’s okay to be nervous.”
“I just don’t understand why I feel nervous,” I tell him. “I know I love you. I am more certain of this than I am of anything, so it makes no sense.”
His smile slowly dims, his eyes focusing on mine as he slowly draws his thumb over my cheek. “It’s because we don’t want this to end, and making alterations to our setup could add variables that impact our relationship.”
My shoulders sink as his words make the puzzle in my head suddenly all make sense. He’s right. A thousand percent right. I was terrified about starting to sleep in his room with him while we were on our trip and terrified when I learned he was leaving and devastated when he left for a short period to England. We’ve finally found a good rhythm and balance, and I’m afraid to change anything.
“It’s kind of terrifying when your heart lives outside of your body,” I tell him.
He expels a breath that tickles my lips and wraps his other hand around my waist. The weight of his hand and the firmness of his touch anchors me like a safety tether that astronauts use in space. In turn, I wrap my hands around his waist. “Believe me, I know.”
“This. Us, I want it to last forever.”
“Forever’s a really long time,” he says.
“I know.”
His smile sparks again, and his fingers press more firmly into my flesh. “I know you do, which is good because I plan on us lasting forever. Through moving in and graduation and first jobs and arguments over where the toothpaste goes and what movie we’re going to watch and how big the sex mirror over our bed is going to be…” He pauses as my laughter makes me close my eyes.
“We’re not having a sex mirror.”
“We’re totally having a sex mirror,” he says. “Because I love your body almost as much as I love your mind and your heart and your fucking independence.”
“Fucking independence is a very negative connotation.”
He grins. “Occasionally, it’s a little trying.”
“You’re welcome.”
He grins. “This is the beginning of a new adventure for us, and I’m sure there are going to be moments where it’s going to be a little hard, but that’s okay. We excel at adventure and challenge. It brings us closer. I’m excited to argue with you about these things. And I’m fucking elated that you’re going to be in the same bed with me every night.”
“I’m really excited about that part, too. I don’t sleep well without you.”
His smile flashes, so broad and distracting that my knees feel weak again. “We’ve got this, Chloe. I don’t much about fate or purpose, but I know I was meant to be with you, and you were meant to be with me. This is just our next chapter.” His words bolster my heart and confidence.
Declarations and promises are prepared to leap from my heart to my mouth, but before I can say any of them, Tyler’s kissing me. His lips are firm and warm and certain, and when his tongue dances with mine, all of my concerns about time and what will happen next fade, and I focus on him and now and losing myself in the moment.
